Honesty in all Relationships starts with Yourself. New MJ Awakening Blog

couple-arguing

Most of us (myself included) have used relationships in the past to make ourselves happy. “I want you, because when I am with you I feel good.” But if we are honest, we will see that this is not love, but ownership. You want this person because you imagine they can/will make you happy. But it never works… not for long.
 
That’s because the other person is not an object whose purpose here is to make you happy (let that sink in). Rather, all relationships are for your spiritual growth (not being aware of this is why there is so much pain/confusion in most relationships).
 
And it starts with your relationship with yourself. Specifically, how you treat your own feelings that arise is how you treat other’s feelings. So, if I avoid being with my own feelings in an authentic, open, and exploratory way, then I am certainly not going to be authentic, open and willing to explore your feelings.
 
As a result, we are constantly trying to change other people’s stories to be more like our own stories so we’ll feel better, thus ensuring that we stay in our heads and disconnected from our heart and therefore our feelings.
 
So what’s the solution? First, notice this. If you don’t become consciously aware of this, it will continue. For example, if the thought comes, “I hate being alone!” Instead of logging on to plentyoffishdotcom, or some other singles site, trying to find someone so you don’t have to feel lonely, what if you were to just be with this loneliness? In other words, your interest shifts from the story, to the raw feeling underneath the story.
 
Yes, initially it can be hard as it can feel too painful to face these feelings directly. That’s because due to the masculine nature of this world, most of us have been taught to avoid our feelings (something that the feminine nature does naturally/intuitively) and “man up/toughen up.” An honest look at the state of the world should be enough to convince us that this approach does not work.
 
Feelings don’t go away just because you stuff them down, just like dirt doesn’t go away just because you sweep it under the rug. It’s still there! Waiting. Waiting for what? You! You to meet them, be with them, and hear them out. To listen to them in a nonjudgmental and open way. Only then, when your feelings feel safe, will they begin to come out to be seen.
 
This is the work. It’s a vulnerability that looks weak, but is actually anything but. And that’s why so few truly make any progress on the spiritual path. They want enlightenment, but they don’t want to do any of the work that it takes to end the illusion of separation.
 
Michael Jeffreys
 
 
 
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